I sort of want to skip the holidays this year. This is odd for me because I usually get really into Christmas. Well, Christmas spirit that is. I don’t go crazy decorating or listening to that much music. I’m lucky to get a tree up each year. This year though, I kind of just want to go to sleep and wake up and have it be Dec 26th. I don’t want to skip the last week of the year because I always get that week off work so it’s very important for my sanity.
As the years go by, the holidays get harder and harder. I’m reminded once more that I still don’t have kids. All the cousins around me are having kids or had kids years ago. And while I love these kids so much, they are not mine. I’m still left with a feeling that I’m missing out.
Then there’s the matter of gifts. It’s been a rough year for us financially and I know we are not alone in this boat. Several other family members are struggling as well. We already draw names so that we don’t have to buy for everyone, but then you’re faced with another problem. What if you spent time and money and put a lot of thought into your gift, but then the person buying your gift didn’t do the same for you. I’m not singling any one family member out because I saw several examples of it just last year. And while I know Christmas isn’t about gifts, shouldn’t be about gifts, gifts still play a major role. I think it’s less about the gift itself and more about the feeling that goes along with it. It’s as if we try to put our value and self worth into that gift. Aunt Julie loves Sarah a lot because she bought her an ipod, but Uncle Jeff must not give a shit about Robby because he gave him a broken knife that clearly came from the dollar store. Some family and friends have opted to have us do homemade Christmas this year. I think this was devised as an effort to help combat both of those problems, but I fear it will go very wrong. Not everyone is handy or crafty. And if you have to go buy all the supplies to make your gift, you could end up spending more money. I may appear to be crafty, but it’s all smoke and mirrors.
Then there’s the guilt that goes along with making sure you find time in your schedule to see everyone. Do you know that I’ve lived in Oklahoma for 23 years now and I’ve never once spent a Christmas here? Every single year of my life I have gotten in the car and driven the 4+ hours to Dallas to spend it with family. I’ve spent many Christmases without my husband (or then boyfriend) because I wouldn’t budge on Christmas. I’d forfeit Thanksgiving with my family in order to have Christmas. And now that my husband doesn’t have any family left to spend Christmas with, you’d think that would make things easier, but it doesn’t. Between divorces and family dramas, even my family is getting split up more than I like. And I just don’t feel like I can accommodate everyone. And just once, maybe I’d like to wake up in my own bed on Christmas morning.
Since I’m not able to jet off to Vegas like I did last year, I’ve decided that Thom and I are spending Thanksgiving at a friend’s parent’s house. So not only do I not have to cook a huge meal, I don’t have to drive 4+ hours to have the meal. I can make one thing to show up with and just have a good time. I’ll figure out a way later to cope with not getting any leftover turkey sandwiches.
I know it’s just now November and I really shouldn’t even be stressing out about the holidays yet. I should be eating leftover Halloween candy. Except that I didn’t buy any. I shut off my porch light and smiled happily at the fact that my doorbell doesn’t work. Bah humbug!
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1) I will just say that I feel ya on the whole Holiday thing, from the kids to the gift-giving to the being pulled in all directions.
2) For Hallowe’en we went to the movies. Doors closed, lights out, no car in the driveway… it was awesome.
By Louise on 11.02.11 4:37 am | Permalink
There is so much pressure around the holidays. What is supposed to be about togetherness and love becomes more about obligation and materialism. We’re trying so hard to save up all our $$ that buying lavish gifts is out of the question. I am trying to think up something I could make to send to friends far and near that would let them know I care and am thinking of them this season. But all my ideas are expensive. Bah!
I think sometimes we have to choose what is best for us regardless of how our loved ones react. I am going to NJ for Thanksgiving and my Mom was sad about it. But what can I do? I am making a life with Mr. D and we need to spend time with his family. It’s only fair! I get so frustrated balancing everyone’s feelings. What about my feelings? Sigh.
Wow, this totally became about me. Oops!
I hope you find some holiday cheer and a way to make it all feel okay for you this season. xo
By sizzle on 11.02.11 10:19 am | Permalink
I’m going through the exact same thing and it’s stressing me out to no end….we’re so much alike! (Although your sarcasm capabilities are light years beyond mine). I have no helpful advice to offer, because I’m miserable too – but I wanted you to know that I feel bad any one else is going through the stress of the holidays. It’s no longer fun for me.
By TUWABVB on 11.02.11 10:48 am | Permalink
I’ve been getting up at 2:00 in the morning most mornings to work on our family’s finances. It is disheartening – between DH taking a substantial pay cut/me not making anymore money than I was in 2007. Medical insurance/gas/childcare costs have all gone up astronomically. We’ve tightened the belt seriously and I’m not sure how much more we can. And now I’m trying to provide my children with a wonderful Christmas. I know how hard it is to do the holidays without money. And I lived all of my twenties and almost all of my thirties without children of my own and that was most heart breaking at holiday time. So I think I want to say that I feel great empathy for you. And for Thom. I totally get why you might want to “close up shop” for the holidays.
By Jessica on 11.02.11 2:23 pm | Permalink
I read your post about the holidays and I have been there before. I found it helpful to be around others who needed help, like a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. Maybe if you volunteered to help out you’d have a good excuse to not be around your family and also, your focus would be off of yourself.
Also, w.r.t. starting a family, I feel for ya too. I had 6 losses (and an IVF loan to boot) before we gave up. We ended up adopting Emi 9 years ago and 1.5 years ago we adopted David (4) and Aubri (3). We did not have money saved up at all to do this but God provided. I don’t know if you are interested in adoption, but if you are, I would suggest Deaconess in OKC…they are fabulous! Please feel free to e-mail me.
By Nolita on 11.07.11 4:45 pm | Permalink
There is a reason that The Grinch is my favorite, so much so that I have a mini Grinch hanging on my stocking every year. After Halloween? It’s all down hill on through my birthday. EVERY FREAKING YEAR.
It sucks that I only have Sprog for either or as far as the holidays go and then it’s just compounded by all the drama and doucheyness put forth by family members.
One of these years I will get my way and I will be blissfully out of the country for the holidays.
By Raven on 11.09.11 8:24 am | Permalink
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