questions unanswered from
she who used to light up my world

regret and worry, but mostly sadness
nestled down in the hollows of my heart

I put them there
so that I won’t search for what really belongs

afraid of what I will find

and as life goes on around me
I smile and pretend not to notice

that she’s not there

****************

This is in response to Kerri’s post titled. The Things I Carry.

I’m thinking of printing this off and framing it to hang in my bedroom.
Lyrics from the downhere song My Last Amen.

Yesterday was a wonderful day because my BFF Isabel had her baby. (photo of new baby up on her site) He may not have a name yet, but he sure is cute. And lucky him, he gets to share a birthday with my Grandma! (and also River Phoenix, Gene Kelly, Kobe Bryant and others)

Today is a wonderful day because it is my daddy’s birthday. I bet my grandma breathed a sigh of relief that she didn’t have to share her birthday with her first born. Although really that would have been a cool birthday gift. (today is also Steve Guttenberg’s birthday. I may or may not have a crush on him. don’t judge)

So happy birthdays all around!

and ok, I’ll go ahead and throw in one embarrassing one just for fun…

You’re welcome.

****Updated****

I was just informed that my Grandmother’s birthday is tomorrow… the day after my dad’s. Granddaughter FAIL! (hey I was close right?)

This post is going to be a vent/rant. Please do not read any further if you are not in the mood for something like that.

Facebook.

I stayed away from it for a long time. Even after I joined it I didn’t really see the need for it. It was great for reuniting me with people I’d gone to school with or had lost touch with, but I was not interested in updating my status daily. Or hourly. Or sharing a lot of personal information with those people. I still don’t link my blog to it.

Over time and through mass quantities of boredom I’ve spent more time on the site. I love looking at pictures of my cousin’s fast growing baby. It’s also how I find out things about family members I wouldn’t otherwise know. So while I don’t totally hate Facebook anymore, I’m still not about to be on it all day.

I recently discovered Lamebook.com. Oh the joy this site has brought me. It’s a potpourri pot of all the worst things out there on Facebook. And by worst I mean funny, ridiculous, stupid, and well… more stupid.

So I find myself looking at my own Facebook, searching for a little gem I could forward on to the site. So far nothing has really popped up that would be worthy. What does pop up? Let’s just say if your English teacher was reading your Facebook you would get a big fat F on your spelling test.

Facebook is not a text message.* It’s also not Twitter. You are not limited to 140 characters to say what you want to say. Also, since when did punctuation become a thing of the past? I understand that we get in a hurry or we make mistakes. Or like me, I throw grammar out the window often because I choose to blog the way I talk and not the way my English professor would have wanted me to turn in a paper. No one expects you to be perfect. But is it too much to expect a period now and then? Or maybe a comma so that things like this don’t sound so, um, inappropriate?

image from lamebook.com

And don’t even get me started on the run on sentences.

im gunna go see my bf this weeknd bcuz hes been outta town an i miss hm and were gunna go 2 the movies and eat popcorn and then maybe go see his mom and dad and then who nows luv u bebe!!!!!1

That was a mild example. (also, it seems the exclamation point is the only punctuation that actually gets MORE action on facebook.)

I also can’t decide if it bothers me more when it’s adults or kids/teeens/tweens.
On the one hand, when it’s an adult I want to tell them that they should know better.
However, when it’s a kid… specifically one who is in junior high or high school I want to shake them and ask them if they do know better. You know, to make sure the public (or private) school system isn’t failing them.

I know this doesn’t bother most people the way it bothers me. And maybe this means I need to relax and not let it bother me so much. Or maybe it just means that I should go back to not being on Facebook.

*I realize that a lot of you do send updates to Facebook via texting. This should still not be an excuse to cheat on proper spelling.

You all remember my recent post on kismet right?

Well I figured I owed it to you all to give you an update.

1) sister finds him on facebook and messages him
2) she leaves out all the stalker-ish lingo and the parts about me begging her to talk to him
3) she simply tells him she’s seen him three times in a week and she just felt she had to say something

His response?

“Wow, what a coincidence.”

!!!

That’s it? That’s all he has to say about fate? And love? And stories to tell the grandbabies?

So I pretty much told her he was gay and that’s the only possible reason for that reaction.

He shows up at her work again yesterday. And pretty much just says the same thing he already said. No sign of flirting or chatting or wanting to know anymore about her.

After he leaves another co-worker agrees… he’s gay.

I mean that’s the only possible answer right? What straight guy would turn away a chance at this?

• Two and a half days is not enough time to properly see New York City. I purposely did not buy a full conference pass because I wanted to see New York. And I still managed to not see the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building or Central Park.
• This year there were three of us in the room. I asked for a roll-a-way bed because I’m a terrible sleeper, especially when I travel. I slept great all three nights. Roll-a-way bed for president!
• My two roommates were great, although we sadly did not get a photo of the three of us together.
• The Pink Twitter was my drink of choice the whole time I was there. It was called different things at different parties, but it was so good. Ketel Orange vodka, lemonade, soda, grenadine, and mint. Make it. And drink one for me.
• I did not get to see everyone I wanted to see. And several people I did want to see, I only got to see them for 5 minutes. I don’t like this.
• I did such a great job of packing that I did not have to check my bag on the way there.
• I did an even better job of selecting what swag to bring home. I didn’t have to check my bag on the way home either which shocked me. And I still came home with lots of stuff!
• Free shapewear is amazeballs. (thank you Yummie Tummie and Spanx)
• The NBC store and 30 Rock might have been the highlight for me. (you can see where my priorities are)
• The Sparklecorn and CheeseburgHer parties were off the hook this year.
• I got to see Padma Lakshmi from Top Chef. She’s so gorgeous and classy.
• I laughed at the commercials for the PH Balance tampons. Well guess what? I got a free box while I was there and thanks to Mother Nature was able to try them out right away. Without going into any gross details, I will say that I really like these and as long as they aren’t a lot more expensive than the ones I buy, I will totally switch.
• I totally scored a free Scentsy warmer. This excited me way more than it should have.
• I ate a Magnolia cupcake, and lo, it was good.
• I really wish I would have planned ahead to see a show. Specifically Promises, Promises starring Sean Hayes and Kristin Chenoweth. (did you know she’s from Oklahoma?)
• I was able to eat a hot dog, a pretzel, a bagel, and authentic NY pizza while I was there. I like carbs.
• The scale today was still down 6lbs from last week. Yay for exercise!
• I really missed my friends who couldn’t make it this year.
• God bless Kelly and Maura who made the trip so fantastic for me.
• I was all set not to go to BlogHer next year and then they announced it will be in San Diego. I should have known they wouldn’t pick a place I didn’t want to go.
• I guess we’ll just see if I make it for a fifth year.
• I got my first henna tattoo and I love it.
• The people at the Hilton hotel were very friendly and accommodating.
• I did not see a single hobo while I was there. We must have been on the nice side of town.
• NYC cab and shuttle drivers scared the cheeses out of me. Driving in Tulsa is such bliss.
• I rode the subway all by myself!
• All of my planes took off and arrived on time or early.

My brain is fried and that’s all I can think of now. But if you would like to view my entire set of flickr photos you may do so here.

Of course the magical menstruation pony* would show up the day before BlogHer. You couldn’t come during your regularly scheduled programming time of oh say, last week. No you had to pick today. As if I have all this extra room in my suitcase for things like tampons.

I suppose if not today it would have happened the moment I stepped foot in the Hilton hotel with the other 2000+ women who will be at BlogHer.

BlogHer: syncing women’s periods since 2005.

Maybe instead of Go Girl, I can get Diva Cup to throw me some swag.

*the magical menstruation pony is in no way affiliated with sparklecorn, the also magical but less offensive unicorn.

Saturday morning my sister and I went to breakfast as we usually do. We noticed a guy dining alone at the counter and reading. He was one of those nerdy cute guys. I told her she should introduce herself. She said no, that she wasn’t that kind of girl. (she’s really shy) So we stared at him a bit and went on with our day.

Tuesday evening she comes over for dinner after doing some grocery shopping. Guess who she saw at the store? The same guy! I asked her if she talked to him. Again she did not. She merely followed him down an aisle or two and went on about her business.

I told her that she was crazy for not talking to him. What if this was some kind of sign?

You mean like karma? she says.
Um, I don’t think karma is the word you’re looking for. I think you mean kismet.

I made her promise that if she saw him a third time that she would say hi and introduce herself in the least stalkerish way possible.

Um, guess who showed up at her place of employment today? THE GUY.

Did she talk to him? NO. She ran and hid and freaked out. And then she called me.

We have it on good authority that this guy will show up at her place of employment again. However, I fear that my chicken butt sister is going to wimp out again.

Oh and did I mention that he has our last name? Our maiden name? So I come to thee internets so that you can help me push my sister in the right direction.

Help me out internets. I know you’ll make me proud.

Last Friday night I had the privilege of hooking up with some lovely ladies for dinner and dessert and great conversation.

We dined on puffy tacos from Elote and crepes and gelato from Mod’s. There was much laughter and the evening ended all too soon.

Jenny, Tiffany, Loralee, and Elizabeth

Thanks again ladies for a fantastic evening.

This year for BlogHer I’m trying something new. I’m going to try and pack everything into one carry-on suitcase and check no bags. Last year I paid some kind of astronomical $60 over weight bag fee on my way home from Chicago. This is probably because my suitcase is the size of a yeti and I’ve always enjoyed not carrying anything on the plane but my purse. (albeit a giant purse big enough to hold all my purse-y things as well as my camera and laptop) Oh and I like to stock up on (useful) swag.

This year though, the budget is a bit tighter than years prior. I’m looking to save a buck any way that I can. I already booked a super cheap bus/shuttle to and from the airport for a whopping $21. That’s round trip to and from LaGuardia for $21. (just google NY Airport Service)
I’m hoping that by bus they mean a real bus like one would take to and from work. And not some scary broke down old school bus full of chickens and goats and hobos who look like they’re on their way to “Cartagena”.

And now that almost every airline wants to charge you to check a bag, I’m going to try my hand at packing everything in my little carry-on suitcase.

The problem? Look at the size of my carry-on.

It’s quite wee compared to my big suitcase. I’m not entirely sure how this is going to work. I don’t want to be one of those douchebags on the plane who is really trying to carry on two bags instead of one. So I’m scaling down in every way possible. I already did a dry run toiletry packing over the weekend.  I also watched a YouTube video on how to pack light. And I found out that I totally pack for worst case scenario traveling and not realistic what am I actually going to need traveling. And even though it pains me to do this, here are the things I will not be taking.

• blow dryer – I know all hotels have them and even though mine is better and theirs are usually lame, I’m going to make do.
• shampoo and conditioner – It’s silly to pack my own and hoard all the freebies from the hotel. I should just use what the hotel puts out WHILE I’M STAYING THERE.  (it’s not as if they are going to be putting out Bliss products like The W)
• 98% of my makeup – I do not need to pack my Urban Decay book of shadows and my eleventy hundred lipsticks. I don’t even wear lipstick. I’m simply only taking what I’ll absolutely need.
• my bottle of facial moisturizer – I have dry skin and there’s no way I can even think about applying makeup if I haven’t moisturized. Lucky for me I found some L’Occitane sample packets from my last purchase.
• nail polish – I’ll have freshly painted fingers and toes when I leave, there’s no need for me to assume I’ll screw up my polish and need a retouch.
• shower gel – I just found 4 bars of soap leftover from The Westin that I brought home from BlogHer08. Yeah, I’m just gonna use the hotel soap.
• flat brush – typically I style my hair in the morning with both a round and a flat brush. The round brush is more critical and I think I can make do with just the one.
• extra glasses – I went from a full time contact lens wearer to a full time glasses wearer almost two years ago. So while I will pack a couple pairs of disposable contacts just in case, I’m not bringing 4 pairs of glasses. The ones on my face will do just fine.
• hand mirror – I use a fairly large hand mirror in the mornings to put on my makeup. I’m going to try to get by with just the mirror inside my powder compact.
• umpteen shoes – I think I packed five pairs of shoes last year. And then Crocs gave away free flip flops the first day I was there and I literally spent the rest of the trip in those. They are not that cute, but they are hella comfy. I got a pair in black and a pair in light blue/gray. I’m seriously considering only bringing these two pairs of flip flops. I know it sounds crazy. I even got a cute new pair of wedges over the weekend that I really want to take with me. But after wearing them to work all day Monday, I have a feeling I wouldn’t last more than two hours in these shoes. They are cute though yes?
• my laptop – this might be the one item I’m most worried about leaving behind. I really hate to leave it behind, but it’s just so bulky and I can check my email, twitter, facebook, and flickr all from my phone. In the past I’ve used it to burn cds and share music with my friends and roomies, but since none of those women are even attending this year, I think I’ll be ok without it.
• my bathing suit – I’ve taken it three years now and have yet to even see a pool.

There are some things though that I can’t go without. And wouldn’t even try to.

• contact cards – These are a must. Even if you don’t think you’ll meet anyone new, these are great to drop in fish bowls for giveaways and mailing lists. Plus you will always meet new people and it’s nice to be able to give them back a card when they give you theirs.
• digital camera – DUH. If you go to a blogging conference and you take no pictures, were you even really there? Plus, hello! NYC baby.
• extra clothes – there’s a fine line between packing just enough and packing too much. I’m still trying to figure that out. I can tell you though that my experience has me wearing two outfits a day. One during the day and one at night. I don’t expect this to ever change. My problem is that instead of packing 6 outfits, I find myself packing 9. Or haphazardly packing mix and match items that end up not being part of an actual outfit. I’m working really hard on my list of outfits so that I don’t end up with stuff I don’t wear.
• ipod – for the plane(s). It entertains me and keeps me from going insane. Or from having to make small talk. I hate small talk with strangers. (says the girl going to a conference where there will be many strangers with whom she will make small talk with)
• a book – not 3 or 4 books mind you. One book. To read in the airports. Reading on the plane makes me ill.
• roll on perfume – it’s brilliant really. Leave your bottles at home lest they get broken or forgotten. Buy a small roll on perfume that will last you the whole time and that you won’t freak out about if you lose it. It’s also neat because now whenever I smell VS Dream Angels all of my BlogHer08 San Francisco memories come pouring back.  (and remind me to tell you about the time I spilled a bottle of Romance in my suitcase. It was sad sad sad.)
• singles – it’s important to remember to have small bills. Don’t feel like a schmuck because you didn’t have tip money for your driver or the maid service.

I’m not planning on bringing back every piece of swag that comes my way. Far from it. Since this is my 4th BlogHer I already know what things get used and what things go right in the garbage. I brought home a lot less swag last year than years prior, but still more than I needed. You always wind up being give some kind of bag. Or nine. So I figure worse case scenario I might have to check my bag on the way home because I’ll want to lug my swag bag on the plane. And it will be worth paying a $25 bag check fee if I can come home again with awesome things like flip flops, perfume, video cameras, and flash drives. (my husband is a huge fan of the free flash drives I bring back each year, but this year I’m only bringing back the 2 or 3 that have the most storage space)

So there you go. My obligatory pre-BlogHer conference post of unsolicited advice and tips.

Oh and if someone gives you one of these, stash it away for a Dirty Santa gift. Because that’s about all it’s good for. (don’t ask me how I know)